Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Prayerfully going Wrong

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Yesterday, I was imagining things and some might think I take religious hate rather too far. But let’s me share this video and you might understand a bit of where I’m coming from:

You maybe don’t see the need to watch it, or you probably did and wonder  what religion has up its selves. The point is, this strong Christians strongly believe that their recently dead [two] pastors will rise again  with enough prayers from them–reminds me something I said about prayer a while ago, …mmmm.

You are probably not convinced about my points yet, now watch this and get a decent laugh..

iPad [my take]

Monday, February 1st, 2010

Usually I don’t tale around technology trends though I’m a gadget freak than I love to admit; but I would make an exception–the Apple’s iPad.

Many have asked me what I think of this device, will it be the next new [big] thing like the iPhone; will it change the way we see mobile technology; will it be that magical device that we’ve all be waiting for; or is it:

iPad vs. Stone

the ancient iPad

social addictions [humor]

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

I usually take Sundays off and here is a way to someone start the week of, on a lightly smily sense, enjoy this piece from Joy of Tech:

the states of socials

Humor Digest

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

F-minus

The [real] 10(?) commandments

Monday, July 13th, 2009

I met Moses recently (the one from the Bible) and one of our major discussion  was the issue with him and God and the 10 commandments. I wish I could post verbatim how our conversation went but I think making it poetic is much more fun.

Why 10?
Do we need 10?
What is the list of 10 crapiness about?
It is a deliberate and artificially inflated list of 10 do’s and don’t,
A list of controls, authority and some blown in lies -
It’s a padded list,
it’s the 10 commandments.
Here is the run:
About 5,000 year ago,
religious and political hustlers got together,
tried to figure out a way to control people.
How to keep ‘em in line.
They know,
people take whatever shit thrown at them.
So they announce:
“God has given us some commandments!
On a mountain, when no one was around
he has give us the 10 commandments.”
Let’s try to understand:
Why 10?
Why not 11 or 9?
Who would take a 9-list or 11-list seriously?
10 sounds official,
10 sounds important.
9 or 11 no one would take seriously.
10 is the basis of the decimal,
10 is a decade,
10 sounds whole,
10 is a psychologically satisfying number.
The top 10
The 10 most rated
The 10 best dressed
The 10 list
10 is a marketing decision.
And the 10 commandment?
It is a political document artificially inflated to sell better.
10?
Let’s cut the crap to a more logical and workable list.
One, “I am the Lord thy God thou shalt have no other God before me.”
Two, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain.”
Three, “Thou shalt keep the Sabbath day holy.”
Right from the first three – pure bullshit!
Sabbath day, Lord’s name, Strange gods, Spooky language
Big Cassocks, Long Robes, Big Titles, Long beards
All designed to scare and control primitive people.
Who are they decieving?
None of this superstition apply to the lives of the civilized in the 21st century.
Let’s throw them all off the window
And now we have 7.
“Honor thy father and mother…”
Obedience and Respect for authority -
Another name for controlling people.
Truth is, obedience and respect cannot be automatic,
no free cookies for anyone -
They should be earned
they should be performance based
Toss that out too!
And now we have 6.
“Thou shall not steal”
“Thou shall not bear false witness”
Stealing and Lying,
this are both dishonesty – why have them separate?
Let combine and say:
“Thou shall not be dishonest.”
And now we have 5.
“Thou shall not commit adultery”
“Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife”
Here is simple marital infidelity -
one is in the mind, another is outside the mind.
Why outlaw fantasizing?
What should we think about when we “wax our carrot”?
Let’s be more modest and say:
“Thou shall not be unfaithful”
And now we have 4.
Thinking about it,
honesty and unfaithfulness share values,
let’s make it simpler and easier to follow:
“Thou shall always be honest and faithful.”
And now we have 3.
“Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s goods.”
This is just plain ludicrous,
another inflation to scare primitive people
Coveting is what keep everyone going,
Your neighbor buys a vibrator that sings “O cum all ye faithful”
You want one too!
Coveting creates jobs
Coveting create and keeps lives
Coveting drives lives
Out it goes!
And now we have 2.
“Thou shall not kill”
Murder – it’s the fifth commandment.
Really?
Religion has never had big trouble with murder
Realizing religion has killed more than any other cause -
Northern Ireland, Middle East, Cashmere, The Inquisition, The Crusades, The World Trade Center -
That’s how seriously religious folks take: “Thou shall not kill”
The more devote, the more negotiable murder is.
It’s very negotiable and it depends,
Who’s getting killed and who’s doing the killing.
And here’s the real commandments:
One, “Thou shall always be honest and faithful to the deserving.”
Two, “Thou shall try real hard not to kill anyone unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you do.”
Two is all there’s needed -
Moses doesn’t need big tablets or days of isolation
They’ll fit right in his pockets.
Why need Moses anyways?
God could email, send a twit, page or SMS it to us all,
No middle man to fuck with.
A bonus one:
“Thou shall keep thy religion to thyself.”
Why 10?
Do we need 10?
What is the list of 10 crapiness about?
It is a deliberate and artificially inflated list of 10 do’s and don’t,
A list of controls, authority and some blown in lies -
It’s a padded list,
it’s the 10 commandments.
Here is the run:
About 5,000 year ago,
religious and political hustlers got together,
tried to figure out a way to control people.
How to keep ‘em in line.
They know,
people take whatever shit thrown at them.
So they announce:
“God has given us some commandments!
On a mountain, when no one was around
he has give us the 10 commandments.”
Let’s try to understand:
Why 10?
Why not 11 or 9?
Who would take a 9-list or 11-list seriously?
10 sounds official,
10 sounds important.
9 or 11 no one would take seriously.
10 is the basis of the decimal,
10 is a decade,
10 sounds whole,
10 is a psychologically satisfying number.
The top 10
The 10 most rated
The 10 best dressed
The 10 list
10 is a marketing decision.
And the 10 commandment?
It is a political document artificially inflated to sell better.
10?
Let’s cut the crap to a more logical and workable list.
One, “I am the Lord thy God thou shalt have no other God before me.”
Two, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain.”
Three, “Thou shalt keep the Sabbath day holy.”
Right from the first three – pure bullshit!
Sabbath day, Lord’s name, Strange gods, Spooky language
Big Cassocks, Long Robes, Big Titles, Long beards
All designed to scare and control primitive people.
Who are they decieving?
None of this superstition apply to the lives of the civilized in the 21st century.
Let’s throw them all off the window
And now we have 7.
“Honor thy father and mother…”
Obedience and Respect for authority -
Another name for controlling people.
Truth is, obedience and respect cannot be automatic,
no free cookies for anyone -
They should be earned
they should be performance based
Toss that out too!
And now we have 6.
“Thou shall not steal”
“Thou shall not bear false witness”
Stealing and Lying,
this are both dishonesty – why have them separate?
Let combine and say:
“Thou shall not be dishonest.”
And now we have 5.
“Thou shall not commit adultery”
“Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife”
Here is simple marital infidelity -
one is in the mind, another is outside the mind.
Why outlaw fantasizing?
What should we think about when we “wax our carrot”?
Let’s be more modest and say:
“Thou shall not be unfaithful”
And now we have 4.
Thinking about it,
honesty and unfaithfulness share values,
let’s make it simpler and easier to follow:
“Thou shall always be honest and faithful.”
And now we have 3.
“Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s goods.”
This is just plain ludicrous,
another inflation to scare primitive people
Coveting is what keep everyone going,
Your neighbor buys a vibrator that sings “O cum all ye faithful”
You want one too!
Coveting creates jobs
Coveting create and keeps lives
Coveting drives lives
Out it goes!
And now we have 2.
“Thou shall not kill”
Murder – it’s the fifth commandment.
Really?
Religion has never had big trouble with murder
Realizing religion has killed more than any other cause -
Northern Ireland, Middle East, Cashmere, The Inquisition, The Crusades, The World Trade Center -
That’s how seriously religious folks take: “Thou shall not kill”
The more devote, the more negotiable murder is.
It’s very negotiable and it depends,
Who’s getting killed and who’s doing the killing.
And here’s the real commandments:
One, “Thou shall always be honest and faithful to the deserving.”
Two, “Thou shall try real hard not to kill anyone unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you do.”
Two is all there’s needed -
Moses doesn’t need big tablets or days of isolation
They’ll fit right in his pockets.
Why need Moses anyways?
For all we modern men care,
God could email, twit, page or SMS it to us all,
No middle man to fuck with.
A bonus one:
“Thou shall keep thy religion to thyself.”
Before I start getting hate mails, I didn’t met Moses (he never existed anyways), this is just a follow-up to my poetic re-make of a George Carlin’s show.  And yes, you can still send the hate mail or love mail, or preferably, drop a comment down below.

George Carlin'ed

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

Recently, I’ve been listening to my icon and inspiration Late George Carlin. His style of humor has driven most of my philosophies and forget Micheal Jackson; when this man died, the world really lost someone.

Died June 22, 2008 (what’s it with icons dying in June?) at age 77, you can read him up here. I would on occassion start writing up poetic form derived off Carlin’s stand-ups. Hopefully, I would be able to have one up by tomorrow and more hopefully, many would not be offend by the crudeness of the language — it’s all humor, apologies ruin it.

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